His and Her Health

Hi Everybody,

I came across this board and have spent the most part of the morning reading and all the helpful information. I figured I'd see if maybe some of you could share your insight into (our) dilemma.

The short-long of it is this: Two years ago I became rather ill and have since had an issue with leaving the house (I guess it's similar to agoraphobia). I've sought treatment and things have become to the point where I can now actively visit my girlfriend of four years. During the transition to this point, I'd visit her often for short periods of time, becoming stressed and having to leave. Initially we were sexually active, but after awhile she told me that she didn't enjoy that I left afterwards and that it was causing her to become depressed. We both agreed that we could wait until I became more comfortable with spending time in these places.

Fast forward to now, I'm able to spend a great deal more time (several hours usually or more) with her at any given time. While I would have thought that this would have made our intimacy problems go away, they seem to have become worse. My girlfriend claims to now be anxious of sex itself, feeling "trapped" or stuck if we get to a certain point. She suggested to try and take it slow and stop once she reached her "comfort" level and see if it would go from there.

Having a past with anxiety, I've suggested she try and speak with a therapist as well as she her GP (General Practitioner).

Is there anything else we can do to help remedy the situation?

(She's 22, currently goes to University. Very driven in school, but has never been overly sexual. She's achieved an orgasm once or twice through oral, but does not actively want it. Very shy / unaware of what she enjoys sexually.)

Hi Work in Progress,

It sounds as if you have been working with a mental health professional yourself. It is great that you are getting in-person help with your anxiety condition. It would be best to ask that person for a referral to another professional who could do couples therapy with your girlfriend. Yes, she is having some anxiety about sex. But:The situation is complicated enough that it should be evaluated by someone who can see and talk to you each at length. Her idea is a good one, but I don't think you two should try to go it alone. You need someone with more knowledge and experience to help you figure this out.


Aline Zoldbrod Ph.D.