His and Her Health

I am asking this Strange Question -because I am allowing my husband (we go together), sometimes I sit next to him, another time I sat with some women & watched him & friends from a distance. He enjoyed it more than he thought he would (his 1st time at age 45), I even allowed him a Lap dance in the back- both times. Some women think I am OUT OF MY MIND for allowing this, most would never dare allow their husbands to even go. It is a more respectable club, no touching allowed, women/wives can go back with their men & watch the Lapdance, 70/30 percent ratio of women go here also. I am just curious for opinions here--- Or expereinces of yours with such an issue?? As for us, We've been married 20 yrs, have never been with another, he used to have a higher sex drive than me (I only cared for sex about once a week -poor man) - back in those days, if I caught him looking at Porn, I was furious & would get very upset, but now (in our 40's) my sex drive is way HIGHER than his ( I want it every day, he is content with 2-3 times a week), and crazy as it sounds, for me, ANYTHING to get him HOT & bothered to a higher degree, is a Blessing to me! So watching Porn together & frequenting an occasional Strip Club has been kinda good for us. Also interested in Men's opionions on this issue. How they feel , if they feel more wives should allow, or wives have a good reason to NOT allow this. And why.

My wife has zero libido and I've taken her to ladies night strip club events several times, with limited success. I think like you -- ANYTHING to get her hot and bothered. If you get results 2-3 times a week, you're way ahead of my results!

On the other hand, my wife doesn't mind me going to strip clubs alone. ANYTHING to take my sexual focus off of her so she doesn't have to deal with sex. She knows I'm not likely to find anyone at a strip club that would make me leave the marriage.

I know, it's a bit unusual, at least as far as I think most people think a marriage should be. Frankly, I'd rather have a marriage where my wife wanted me in bed and didn't allow me to go to strip clubs.

Thank you for your reply, I sympathize with you, God Bless you for being so faithful to your wife, you must love her very much. I love my husband to tears, but in all honesty, with the way I am feeling these days, if he pushed me away & didn't care about sex, It WOULD destroy my marraige. I have meltdowns sometimes because his Dirve is lesser than mine. I hate it, but it is not like he is not into sex. I just need it more than he does. It is like breathing air to me. He is happy I feel this way (finally afer 2o yrs!), He says he is enjoying the ride. I just want him to be in the drivers seat more often than me.

I can understand the business of wanting the other person to be in the driver's seat more often. It would help me feel that my partner truly desired me, and wasn't just doing it as a chore.

And since you said you were interested in men's opinions on your issue, my answer is, it sounds great as long as he knows why you are taking him to a strip club. Surely you don't want him to confuse your intentions with my wife's, namely, to get his attention away from you. But I have a hard time putting myself in your husband's shoes. The first thing that would occur to me is, why go to the strip club -- let's just skip that and go straight to the bedroom -- or do it right on the couch in the living room, or up against the wall in the kitchen.

Yes, and least once a day. Or several times a day. My wife and I could never agree on that -- she already thought once a day was "abnormal". She wanted just once a week, which was to me like ending a sexual relationship for a week, and resuming it for only a day every week -- I just couldn't even connect with that. At that rate, the great majority of my sexual energy would be going to fantasy and solitary fun, not my wife.

And for me it's not just quantity, but the imagination, fantasy, and role-play around sex -- the constant flirtation and that special energy and awareness of it that makes a big difference. And in that department my wife has been just "get it over with", and "are you done now". As I see it, you have to have that high-erotic energy mindset around sex to want to do it 7 days a week. Someone who just sees it as doing the same thing over and over again, sure, I can understand why they don't get it. It's not just a purely physical thing. I can conjure up a lot of erotic thoughts and think how much fun they'd be, even when I'm not the least bit physically aroused. It's kind of like contemplating a roller-coaster ride when you're not at the park -- you know it's going to be thrilling, even if you're not thrilled at the moment. I don't know how you teach someone to have that mindset if they don't already have it. That's a tough one.