His and Her Health

Sorry, I might be getting out ahead of you, but I did notice your comments about your personal exp with low libido.<P>If she's pretty set on going the local provider route - and we're doing the same thing, so I don't think you're completely nuts - I'd really get blood work done. <P>There are also a myriad of other issues, both relationship and psychological, that could be part of the mix but I suspect you've already thought about them and either ruled them out or at least concluded they're not the only or root cause of the problem.<P>Let me re-post one of my "canned" things, and you can answer or simply ponder as you will.<P>There's more information about the blood-work, books, etc on the website listed in my profile. We can also discuss finding a more experienced provider for you locally on that forum.<P>(To find my profile, click on the head with the question mark at the top of this post.)<P>I wish you well - it's not a particularly easy road for you or your wife. We're here to help you be as knowledgeable and able to direct your care as possible. You'll probably find that things will go better on the local provider scene if you're knowledgeable and able to direct the provider. (Better is all relative though - a 1 result instead of a 0 is better, but still woefully poor. There's a whole bunch of horror stories about trying to get help from the local provider - so beware... I just don't want you both to expend all your energy on the local provider, and then loose all hope.)<P>Sorry this is so long...Here's my canned piece...<P>---<BR>Before you post your first question, we thought we'd give you some pointers.<P>If you're asking about FSD issues, we need to know as much of the following as possible.<P><BR>Age? <BR>Pre/Peri/Post Menapause?<BR>Birth Control (Type, length of time you've been taking it etc.)<BR>Any Sexual Abuse?<BR>Children<BR>Medications (Birth-control, Anti-depressants etc)<BR>Spouse/Partner Relationship Health?<BR>History of the FSD issue, pre and post FSD if possible.<BR>What things you've tried.<BR>What you *think* might be the problem.<BR>Blood hormone levels done? Give us the results and norm ranges from the tests. (Make sure you get a full copy of all results and norm ranges.) <P><BR>Also, the first three or four books on this list would be really helpful to you. You should really consider getting them.<P><BR>These first two books are probably the best in terms of learning about hormonal and physical problems. Both are good.<BR><UL TYPE=SQUARE><LI>I'm Not in the Mood: What Every Woman Should Know about Improving Her Libido, by Judith Reichman - Score, 9/10 <LI>For Women Only: A Revolutionary Guide to Overcoming Sexual Dysfunction and Reclaiming Your Sex Life, by Jennifer Berman - Score 8/10 <LI>Hot Monogamy: Essential Steps to More Passionate, Intimate Lovemaking, by Patricia Love - Score 7/10 <LI>Passionate Marriage: Love, Sex, and Intimacy in Emotionally Committed Relationships, by David Schnarch - Score 8/10 <LI>Natural Hormone Balance for Women: Look Younger, Feel Stronger, and Live Life with Exuberance by Uzzi Reiss - Score N/A <LI>The Hormone of Desire :the truth about sexuality, menopause, and testosterone by Susan Rako - Score N/A (Older book, Copyright 1996) <BR></UL><P>---<BR>Ok that's all - really, if you need some additional information, we're more than happy to help you out. <P>Best wishes,<BR>Greg<BR><p>[Note: This message has been edited by NEWSHE Moderator]

Thanks for the thoughtful info. We'll see how the local OB/GYN works out. We know it could go either way, and we will work through it if it goes poorly and try to find a more understanding physician. I may circle back with you if that happens.<P>I'm also a believer that FSD problems, even if they're initially physiologically based, often develop into a messy combination of both psychological and physiological factors over time. That's probably the case with our relationship as well, and we'll have to take that as it comes. I've contacted AASECT to get a list of local sex therapists (they were very helpful), but so far no action because of the time required and the unease of discussing something so personal in detail with a stranger. As my wife put it, "I've only got so much in me to deal with this. Let's take it one step at a time. Which first?" So we're going to address the medical side first. <P>Probably will take a while to work through this, but that's what we meant when we said "for better or for worse."

Thanks for the reply...<P>I think in general you're going the right direction, at least in my opinion.<P>Several points I'd agree with or comment on.<P>I see lots of psychological help looking at<BR>Relationship -> Sexuality but not Sexuality -> Relationship.<BR>In essence, they claim, a "good" relationship automatically means a good sexual relationship, at least in terms of libido or desire. They seem to miss a key point, IMHO that low libido can (note *can*) effect the basic relationship too. It's an interative system, and both have to be considered.<P>Next, fixing the physicial/organic issues, if they exist, seems paramount. No amount of psychological work will "fix" these if they exist, and doing the psychological work in the absense of fixing the physical will be much harder or even fruitless.<P>Finally, be careful how much emotional energy you spend on local providers. You know how difficult this whole process is, and it's probably lots more so for your spouse. If you expend too much energy on fruitless local providers without exp in FSD issues, you, she or both will be too "tired" to do anything else.<P>I really wish you the best! It's a long road and not a particulaly pleasant one, at least for us... <P>"May the wind always be at your back!"<P>Cheers,<BR>Greg<BR><p>[This message has been edited by distressed_12345 (edited 23 January 2003).]

31yoHusband, I like the way you represent your wife in your posts, it appears you are being sensitive to her as you seek the best ways to find help.<P>My wife and I are making good progress at this point in our lives--after a very long time of not making any progress. It can indeed be a long and slow process. (We've been married 32 years.)<P>It is good to search for possible physical causes of FSD soon because no amount of sex therapy will help if the underlying cause is physical. <P>I agree with you that it is a complex loop and sexual dysfunction can lead to stress in the relationship that may need help in the process of healing.<P>You seem to have a good start and are approaching it *together*, which is the most important part of all.<P>Please feel free to ask any questions.<P>Best wishes to you and your wife.<P>

Thanks to you both. This isn't something either my wife or I are comfortable talking with family or friends about. It's just too personal. The Internet really has been great to allow detailed conversations like these but still protect a sense of anonymity.