His and Her Health

This topic has to do with the fact that my wife and I only have sex only 3 or 4 times a month and my frustration about it.

My wife and I have been married for two years now. She is in her early 30's and I am in my late 20's. Before we got married and the first year afterwards we had sex 2,3,or 4 times a week, sometimes more. There were times that I was turning her down because I was too tired (I was commuting 4 hours a day to work). But in the last year it has dropped drastically. Mostly, we have sex maybe 2 or 3 times a month and 4 in a really good month. And she has not initiated sex in almost a year.

I just don't understand it. She did recently get back in the job market and landed a job that requires 2 hours of commuting. At first I considered this, but the drop off in sexual interest started before she started back to work. And she has weekends off, but still shows a major lack of interest in having sex with me on those days.

I have started making dinner and doing all of the clean-up so she doesn't have to mess with it after work. I get our 2 year old daughter to bed early so it gives us alone time. I offer to give her massages in candle light because I know she is sometimes stressed and tight because of her new job. Nothing has seemed to work and when I talk about it she gets defensive and angry.

Also, I have severe premature ejaculation issues which I am trying to get figured out. Because of this I perform a lot of oral and overall body licking and stimulating her anus. She seems to love every bit of it, so much so I would rather get her off that way since it seems she has a better orgasm that way than with penetration. But, the times when she orgasms with me giving her oral, she never offers to return the favor. She always says jokingly that I have a hand and can finish myself off.

I am just becoming really frustrated with the my sexual relationship with my wife and don't want it to spill into every aspect of our marriage. We love each other dearly and get along better then most married couples I have ever known. Any advice or insights would be very much appreciated.

Perhaps it is time to see your urologist about the premature ejaculation problem. Here is a link to an article on PE you might like to read.
http://www.hisandherhealth.com/mens-sexual-health/premature-ejaculation/index.html

Have you tried discussing it with her? Outside the bedroom? You talk about all the things you do, but you don't indicate whether you communicate openly about sexual issues.

I would have said she was probably feeling stressed about her job. Two hours of commuting plus a job plus care of a toddler? Yow! That's a recipe for low libido if I ever heard one.

But the one thing that really shocks me is her telling you you can finish yourself off after you've satisfied her. That's just crazy! "You've got a hand"?? Something is seriously wrong with that and you have to get to the bottom of it.

Even if I were really really exhausted I would never say something like that to my husband. At the very least, I'd offer him passive intercourse with apologies for not being more active. I see nothing wrong with "taking one for the team" from time to time. Usually we both have a good time, but every now and we just accommodate each other.

But to say something like after having been treated to great oral sex, has to be a sign of something deeper being wrong.

I have tried talking to her, but like I said, she gets defensive about it. She makes me feel insensitive because she says I don't take into consideration her job and our toddler and home responsibilites which we share equally. When she gets home the toddler is my responsibility and I get our two boys ready for school every morning, have a full time job I put 70 hrs minimum into a week so its not like I don't have stress either, but I work hard to want to have sex. I love sex and feel sometimes that she doesn't though I know she used to. Like I said I used to turn her down because she was so active. She has been this way even before she started working. As for my PE, I am planning to talk to a urologist soon as I am planning to get a Vasectomy in the near future. What do you mean that there may be a deeper issue? Also, I forgot to mention, she does not give oral sex to me hardly ever. She has on two occasions and it was only for a minute or two. She says she just doesn't like to do it which I have accepted though I wish she would do it to me more. Kind of a jumbled response, but just trying to put it all down in writing is kind of hard.

If she has a consistent and small set of excuses, then see if eliminating those reasons helps. If after you eliminate those reasons, she comes up with another set of reasons for not wanting sex, then you know it's not what she says.

I don't think anybody can be called insensitive for wanting sex.

As for the vasectomy, they generally recommend that only if you are in a stable long-term relationship. Otherwise, especially for men your age, the chances are too great that you may be in another situation in 15 years and trying to reverse it.

I feel very sorry for u,but I think u should have a serious talk with her so u would know what to do,because what she is doing is not nice.