His and Her Health

Hi everyone...
People generally talk about their women having low libido's and no interest in sex, but in my case my husband is like that...
I am 32 and my husband is 40...we have been married now for 3 and a half years..the problem is that my husband has a very low libido. And the bigger problem is that he has absolutely refused to do anythin about it. I have explained all my feelings about this to him. In all our years of marriage, he has never initiated sex. Only i have..Now this would still be ok if he would respond positively every time i would initiate, but he doesnt. We are now down to having sex less than once a month and that also becuase i have almost got to force him into it.
My husband has high BP, he smokes, he doesnt exercise much, has cholesterol. I also explained to him that these my be some of the contributing factors, but he doesnt want to discuss this any further. I think apart from the physical problem, there is also a deep inhibition towards sex. He just refuses to talk about it to me.
Somebody suggested to go on a holiday to improve our sex lives. The problem is that we have gone on 5 holidays since we got married and my husband never has had sex with me on a holiday. In fact we didnt even have sex on our honeymoon. There is always some excuse...too tired..too drunk...ate too much...someone can see us...
Now i have finally given him an ultimatum, that either he visits a doctor and more importantly a counsellor or i leave.. I hate to do this but i am left with no choice other than to live in a sexless marriage and deal with a very low self esteem that develops fromt he fact that my husband in not sexually attracted to me.
In case anyone is wondering, i would also like to add that my husband is otherwise very loving, we are constantly hugging each other, kissing, he even holds me while sleeping etc. But that touch is not sexual at all...
Does anyone have any idea on how i can deal with this. I would also like to hear a guy's point of view on this.

I really feel sorry for you, but it sounds like your husband has always been like this. It's not like he used to be Mr. Libido. A man who doesn't have sex on his honeymoon is not a good match for a woman who likes sex. Your chances of changing him are slim to nil. Hopefully he'll go to counseling, but you should be prepared to act on your ultimatum because, honey, this pie is baked. If you want a different flavor, you're gonna need a different pie.

onelasttry, I hope you are sucessful in getting your husband to a doctor for a physical exam. Is he on medication for his high BP?

yes he is on some medication. its a tab called Lozar...i told him that it may be contributing to the problem...told him to check with a doc...but he just doesnt want to do anything

Eva..thanks for your concern...i also sometimes think that he is just made like that...but i also believe that he is not in the best of shape healthwise and maybe his condition is improvable (wont ever be perfect) if he gets a health check up and some counselling. My frustration is more with his lack of wanting to try... Marriage is supposed to be about doing stuff for each other